Dating apps may help us cast wider nets, but that doesn’t make the process of actually going on dates any less difficult. Need proof? Below, 23 tweets that capture the undeniable awkwardness of single life.
1
tinder dude: what are you doing up at 3am
me: heartburn
2
First date idea: go through each others Google browse histories
Me: has to explain why I Google zucchini so often
3
Who wants to date me. We will look at online menus but no talking or kissing.
4
Spooning: Washing every spoon until they are extra shiny.
5
[sees hot girl in bar]
me: [takes wedding ring off] so... do you come here often?
her: give me back my ring
6
[end of date]
Him: I'll text you soon.
Her: Cool. I'll just sit here in your car until you do.
7
Relationship status: stopped shaving one leg so it feels like I’m rubbing my smooth leg against a man at night.
8
Here, read this article about wealth and income inequality.
*me, flirting
9
[speed-dating]
ME: wanna see a magic trick?
HER: sure!
ME: yikes *writes "27 years old and still believes in magic" in notebook*
10
When your crush was really waving at the person behind you, and your face carefully freezes to hold back the tears
11
[FIRST DATE]
HIM: I’m really into mac—
ME: —aroni and cheese?
HIM: ...macroeconomics.
ME:
HIM:
ME:
HIM:
ME:
HIM:
ME:
ME:
ME: is that also pasta
12
Hate group pics on tinder when you have no idea which one it is
13
[First date]
Him: I’ve always loved sailing and the theater.
*Flashback to me falling off the roof trying to reenact the “I’m flying” scene from Titanic*
Me: Same.
14
Sometimes I call Comcast and add sports channels just so I can pretend to have a boyfriend.
15
[Speed dating]
HER: I'm really into astronomy
ME: the moon follows me when I drive
16
*on a first date*
ok dont let them know i stalked them online
them: my aunt--
me: theresa or sharon
17
[First Date]
Her: *to waiter* Can I ask what the Chef recommends?
Waiter: He recommends you leave now. You can do way better than this *nods towards me*
Me: What the actual fuck?
18
[date]
HER: I absolutely love Star Wars
ME: Oh me too
HER: What's your favorite part?
ME: *nervously* Uh, when the stars go to war
19
[First date at a restaurant]
Her: "I'm a big supporter of charities."
Me: *trying to impress* "I didn't bring my wallet with me."
20
It’s like this waiter doesn’t even realize he’s my date now.
21
A gated community for lonely millennial women who've given up on men called Cat City Bitch
22
"This is where the magic happens," I whisper to my burrito.
23
[first date]
Me: what are u binge watching?
Him: oh i don't have Netflix
Me: *gesturing for waiter: check please
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